I wrote this rather quickly so no fine tuning has been done on it. Just a little thing to let some emotions out. I'd like to hear what you think about it.

How do you relate to someone who thinks they know all?
How do you be kind to someone who seems to think they are above all?
How do you love someone who shoes nothing but scorn?
How do you treat someone who loves to hate?
How do you feel when you hear them kill hope?
How do you deal when you have to be around them?

Yeah like I said just a little thing to get some emotions out.

If you had to chose to always feel angry or always feel sad which would you chose?? I think I would chose sad, I couldn't deal with all that anger.

I have decided to once again attempt Na No Wri Mo. I'm sure there are at least some that have no idea what that is it's short for National Novel Writers Month basically the adults try to write a 50,000 word novel. I have tried before but ended up failing rather miserably though I did get some things done on the story. This year my hopes are much higher and I'm sure I'll do much better. I'm happy to try this year despite the fact that I have a horrid cold that seems to want to do me in permanently.

I wish I could get rid of my family for a day or two. Well at least the ones that moved back in in the last couple of years. I have no problems with my mom and dad I can deal with them just fine. It's just my siblings and their offspring. Mostly their offspring. I think I have decided to forgo reproducing. Though at the moment I admit that my opinion has been influenced in ways that have not been pleasant.

By the way I'm just curious if anyone here has heard of something called Calyco??

So yesterday was my 21st Birthday yesterday Happy Birthday to me!

First there was a family dinner at a really cool teppanyaki place.

Then I went to a casino, lost a little bit of money and swore off gambling.

The casino had lots of bars so I drank quite a bit, plus there was a club that was doing karaoke so I ended up singing a few songs one of which a video may end up on facebook thanks to my sister, oh fun. I also danced so much that my legs hurt this morning. Ouch, but it hurts so good.

Well I'm still alive. I think that qualifies as good news.

Not a whole lot happening with me. I'm probably going to be in Utah for some energy training during kumori con so I won't be able to go.

I may have found a bit more about my place in the world and I for one feel freaking wonderful.

I'm doing good, I still haven't found a job but I think I may have found something better for me then the traditional job type that most people end up in.

It's called Calyco Healing and its has to do with energy healing. I'm not sure if I want to work more with people or with animals but I'll probably do both. After I earn enough I may end up also doing something else with animals as well, I'm not sure, but I'm exited to find out what happens.

Other then that I'm also exited to see The Time Travelers Wife. I LOVED the book and the movie seems worth seeing at the least. I'll ether see it tonight with my sister or tomorrow, the later being the most likely. Is anyone else planing on seeing it?

Well I'm still alive.

I happen to be doing much better since my last post to this site.

I found something that I may want to do for the rest of my life.

I'm much happier then I've been for quite some time, and for probably the first time in my life I feel positive about the future.

Pretty dam good I'd say.

True I still haven't gotten off my bum to get a job, but I think that will be happening very soon.

Basically for the first time in a long time things are going well for me, so no need to worry.

IT FEELS DAM GOOD TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT!!!!

In the last two months I have learned quite a bit about the grieving process, and how different it is for every individual.

Just over two months ago my sister took her own life.

We now have to get used to saying we have 5 siblings instead of 6.
I only have 3 sisters now.
The oldest sibling is now different.
Three children no longer have a mother.
And despite our want to take action, there is absolutely nothing we can do to change things.

I still feel quite a bit of anger towards her, to me she really did have lots of other options. Some may say that I can't understand the kind of pain she was in, but I know exactly how she felt. When I was 13 I tried to commit suicide. I know how she felt but I still can forgive her for what she did. She was doing so well, we all thought she had been getting better, had we known somethings that we know now it may have turned out different. That thought still haunts me and probably always will.

My brother in law who lost his father about five years ago, said that it will take about 2 years for things to be somewhat back to normal.
I don't know if everyone will still be there by that time.
I think my deepest fear is that someone else will be gone by the time we reach that time. I can't describe the sadness that seems to hang over all of us.

I think that hope in this family is hanging by a very thin thread, that may snap at any time, and I feel helpless to do anything about it.

I no longer want to feel, but I have no way of going numb.

I haven't been on here in forever, though I think right now I could use the support of all those I know.

My oldest sister chose to take her own life on June 24.

My mother and I were the ones who found her.

I'm not really sure how I feel at the moment, the shock seems to have passed along with the anger phase, I don't know what comes after that so, I don't know where I am now.

Yes I have sought out help I'm getting grief counseling though my mom's work, I'm glad we don't have to worry about the money.

Why did I not post anything before that well I have no real excuse for that I just seemed to have so much to get through.

I wish I had kept up with people more on here, it was rather rude of me to not make time for the people here.

I give my deepest apologies to all of you who still look in on me from time to time.

So who is going to sakura con??

I soo want to meet up with anyone that is going, I feel like I know you guys, though most of you guys don't know me.... wow I feel weird now.

Anyways, moving forward. Is any one else interested in meeting up, a little late to say anything about it but better late then never right?

If you want to look for me on Saterday I plan on wearing the stuff in this picture.

(one second I don't remember how to do the link thing, never mind wrong thing)

http://www.bebo.com/PhotoAlbumBig.jsp?MemberId=11690417&PhotoAlbumId=4636025504&PhotoId=4636027626

Hope I get to meet some people, by the way the name on my badge is antyem13 too.

Inuyasha Quiz created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Kagome Flower: Lily Color: Green Gem: Saphire Month: September Kagome 62% Sango 58% Kikyou 54% Rin 50% Kouga 44% Kagura 40% Shippou 40% Inuyasha 40% Sesshoumaru 36% Miroku 34% Naraku 20%

I finally finished Utawarerumono, I think I'm still confused a little bit though, I can't seem to wrap my head around the story if I listen to it in English so I need to watch it again in Japanese with more accurate subtitles. (thankfully that comes on the DVD)


Overall I liked the series, though it definitely needs to be watched with subtitles not just in english. There were flaws in the story for sure but I found it worth watching despite the mistakes.

The love interest was rather predictable and some of the main plot devises were rather predictable.

The ending was satisfactory in the "look at what ended up happening to them" part but the explanation section was weak and unclear, though if you look at it differently you could say it lets the viewer make up their own mind about what it was that happened to create the world that the story takes place in.

If you like simple romances with complex set ups this might interest you, the only draw back is that the only way to watch it that I know of is to rend or buy the series.

My sister took me to a movie, we saw Untraceable.

Its about a person making a web site to kill people and the more people visit the site the faster the person dies.

It made me think.

Today so many people say we're more civilized then we used to be, but are we really??
Think about it, there are videos on the internet of people doing unspeakable things, and violence is wide spread in new ways every day.
Mankind has always been rather violent, now days people may try to claim that we have changed but there is so much evidence to the contrary.
At the end of the movie, I just felt sick. I wanted to throw up.
I have no idea weather or not I would recommend the movie, unless you really like being creeped out and feeling sick.

I kind of wish I hadn't seen it, it makes my skin crawl just to think about it. 

I made another funny thing and you need to go vote for so yeah have fun with it.

Here be the link
http://www.thecheezburgerfactory.com/View.aspx?MMfingers128451729887582920.jpg

Today my sister bribed me with going to a movie to help her clean her house.

The cleaning wasn't a big deal.

We ended up seeing I am Legend.

I'm still kind shaky. I think the creepiest thing about the movie is that it's somewhat plausible.

And the fact that I'm such a spaz didn't help much.

If I think about it too much I start shivering.

Over all I though it was an ok movie, but I found it to be somewhat depressing.

There is just so much that could make a person cry.... especially with the dog.

I feel like shit.

My cold that started right before new years got much worse after I failed to keep up with taking my medicine for it during the few days I spent up at our family's cabin to celebrate new years.

Dam do I wish I had remembered to take the dam airborne that I even brought up with me!!

Now my nose is running, but just enough to be annoying not a drop more, and my chest is filled with gunk that looks quite nasty when it gets coughed up.

I not happy.

Well first off Happy Newyears  to everyone.

Warning from hear on out it gets rather serious and somewhat sad.

I think that the strangest part of '07 was last night.

I ended up learning quite a bit about some family history that had never been told to me. It really showed some things to me and now I have no idea what to think of my parents. It's surprising how much they think they protect us when they have made almost every obstacle worse instead of easier. I'm not sure if it was necessarily a good thing that I learned so much last night, just hearing it could very well change me. Whether that change will be a good or bad thing has yet to be determined.

I know that now I really need to talk to my parents but how the hell do you go about starting a conversation on topics your not supposed to know anything about??
Plus my parents have never been able to have a calm discussion with any of their kids, me least of all. The only times I have had somewhat helpful discussions were when my counselor was there to help me.

I think the only way I can deal with this is by shutting up, but I don't know how that will end up effecting me.

*sigh*
I think that I'm still scared of what I found out, I still need to process it.

Hay guy's.

Just wanted to wish you all Happy Holidays.

and as a side note I happen to have made an lol cat thingy and I want this one to hopefully get onto the site so go vote for it


here is the link
or the url so you can copy and paste
http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/View.aspx?GoAwayIstil128428683197411250.jpg

Ok so technically it's the 21st already but just ignore that for now


HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLUEZINTHOS!!

Hope it was happy since I totally forgot to tell ya on your birthday....

yeah my poor little pee brain just couldn't do it sorry.